Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Visa State of Mind (Or: The Grand Journey of My Fishing Licence)

So, yeah...I dropped my wallet into a river awhile back. I had it tucked into my fishing pack next to my camera—in a little padded, waterproof compartment. As we were de-wadering and loading up at the end of the day I realize I had no billfold. Not too big of a deal...'cause I have a terrible short-term memory and I misplace important items daily. Probably just forgot it at the house. Right? But no such luck. And I had no idea where to start looking. So, I did all the responsible things one must do when misfortune such as this befalls. Cancel the credit card, buy a replacement fishing license and take a weekday off work to spend at the DMV to get a new "convict/pedophile” photo taken and a new driver license sent out to me. Done. Survived.

I printed myself a new fishing license on day one. Simple, I spend most days in a fly shop that sells them anyway. Day five I had off so I went in and sat on the Group W Bench alongside all the mother rapers and father stabbers (and father rapers, too). Day ten I receive my brand new license in the mailbox—sweet—even though the new photo is straight out of the D.O.C., minus the orange jump suit. Then, day twenty after the billfold went missing, I receive a funny letter from Lois Ott at the Nederland Police Department. The letter contains my old fishing license and my old driver license…as well as a little blue post-it note wishing me a great day! Apparently James Stevens—a Ned resident (and fisherman)—had attempted to send me these missing items, but had sent them to my old address which appears on my licenses. Included in the original envelope was a note from James: “I found these in the N. ST. Vrain in Rocky Mountain Nat. Park. Hope you are OK.”

Now, let me recap. My billfold fell out of my pack and into the stream where it drifted for days, eventually empting its’ contents to include my licenses. Then they are discovered by another fisherman who takes the time to mail them to me, but they come back to him Return to Sender. (You know how long that turn-around time usually is!) So eventually this Good Samaritan decides to drop his returned letter off at his local police department. Then the days of investigative work began…and they track me down! And send me my licenses with a nice post-it note! Wow!

Now to the point of this drawn-out story. It has been a month now since I lost my stuff. All the above drama has unfolded. AND I STILL HAVE NOT RECEIVED MY VISA CREDIT CARD REPLACEMENT! Yo Visa. Pull your heads out, will ya? WTF? (yes, Miss Sue…the F is for fiddlesticks!) I mean, thanks for the month-long forced savings plan, but seriously…

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