9: Convince Yourself Golf Balls Are Evil. Because they are…they will suck out your soul and your will to live, not to mention countless hours you could have spent floating down an amazing river casting fat grasshopper flies to hungry browns the size of footballs, or hiking to some high lake above tree line in search of your first 20-inch cutthroat! A lifetime’s worth of this given up for what? A single digit handicap? Really? Do you wake up in the middle of the night obsessing about the seventh hole at your local manicured golf course? Are your den walls covered in framed score cards and grip and grin photos of you holding a slightly scuffed Titleist? Sure, I poke fun for fun’s sake…and in the end remember fly fishing is a needy mistress and needy mistresses are only happy if they are the only needy mistress.
7: Become a Teacher. Seriously…don’t they get the entire summer off? Well, they do, but most are paid so little they have to take part-time jobs during their off time. What I meant was become a teacher of fly fishing. You will be surprised at the increased motivation and drive you have when there is someone under your wing. You want to show them all those favorite spots that you may have unintentionally become bored with years ago. And you want them to see for themselves the sun rise on that one particular lake where the trout start rising like popcorn. Teach a best friend, or a new loved one…or, good grief, your kids.
5: When Nature Calls. This might be a delicate subject…I don’t know. If you are squeamish and never actually admitted to having a bowel movement, then maybe this section is not for you. Outdoorsmen, as a whole, tend to be fairly open about the subject. It is something we all have to think about and prepare for if we spend any amount of time more than a short, awkward jog back to the luxuries of indoor plumbing. You need to become comfortable taking the crouch behind a tree…sorry, but ya just gotta. Nobody is going to be putting up with you making a sudden run back to town. If you are in a drift boat all day this can cause even more severe time nuisances. Some “locker-room” advice I have heard being passed around is Limit Your Morning Coffee Intake and Jam Yourself Up With Pepto. Take these tidbits for what they are…and good luck.
(Look for more stories like this in Jay's book The Top Ten Guide to Fly Fishing, Lyons Press. Click Here to Order a Copy!)